Sometimes I have moments. Today is a moment of just feeling grateful. We are all one phone call away from life changing news, one pay check away from homeless and one doctor appointment from good health. I’m a worrier, always has been. I used to try and change that or pray to not be this way because if I don’t keep it in check it can be crippling.
This is going to be a long journey for me, “Fear of Success” and overcoming it. I have a fear of success; a fear of reaching my potential perhaps. To admit even more of my truth, the root cause is I feel undeserving of it. There I said it out loud. The question I pose to myself is how can I feel undeserving of what I work my ass off for? I don’t ask for help because I don’t want to owe anyone anything. I think I feel like I need to earn “it” and the harder the grind the more I will "feel" deserving of it. I’m not sure it’s working though. I had to admit to myself the other day I intentionally stalled during the SwapTRAP journey because I realized the potential of it…fear of success.